


Your Influence

by ThatRandomFail



Series: Influence [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Touch-Starved Anxiety | Virgil Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:55:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27225391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatRandomFail/pseuds/ThatRandomFail
Summary: "AU where when the sides touch eachother they pass energy between them automatically, and Virgil (and other sides) assumed him touching people would make them anxious, so he didn't get physical touch from anyone for years"sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes posted this and I just had to write something!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Influence [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007271
Comments: 7
Kudos: 324





	Your Influence

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm going to admit, this was a little rushed and doesn't go into much detail. It's more of a long drabble than an actual piece of writing haha! Any feedback and criticism is welcomed!

It was such a normal thing that they barely had to even ask for it. Logan would spend hours frantically writing down symptoms and trying to identify whatever he was feeling before he embarrassedly slumped over to Patton. He wouldn’t say a word but Patton would always hold him close. Then, what was once a meaningless ache in his chest would suddenly have a name. A deep sadness or anger or even loneliness. Roman would hit a creative block and the other’s knew that they would inevitably find him later in a dog pile with Remus, a new perspective and a flood of new daydreams helping him. Roman helped ground all of them, giving them the creativity to apply their knowledge or think of new solutions to problems. 

Mornings of careful touches and tight hugs in difficult moments flitted through his mind. His phone was staring uselessly back at him but his eyes were glued to the sight before him. Roman, Logan and Patton were hovering above Thomas as he wrote a new script. Patton pressing them both into his sides while Logan awkwardly clutched Roman’s hand. They almost looked like one complete body. Ideas and motivation flowed through Roman, Patton gave an emotional depth to each idea while Logan’s logistic influence whittled out the impossible. Their influences were all mixed together into a familiar soothing song. None of them even knew where one influence started and another ended. Virgil huffed as if to snap himself out of it. But his eyes remained firmly on the sight. 

It was hard to feel sad about it. He could imagine his own influence bleeding through them until they were left a jumbled mess and Thomas wishing everything would just stop. But yet his chest ached. He wasn’t crying but he almost wished he was. Just to get it out of him. This want wasn’t healthy for anyone.

_“Your influence is a bit much right now Virgil. It’s like agreeing to give myself a headache,” Janus muttered and turned away from him. Virgil deflated. That had been one of his worst panic attacks ever, looking back. The sick realisation that he hurt people made him gag and his stress felt like a physical weight pulling at him. Janus’ influence always felt like a thick blanket. Your thoughts would no longer ring around in your head but would sound like it’s coming from the other room. Virgil relied on it like he did breathing. Every second was spent tightly pressed into Janus. He was practically another part of his outfit._

_Years of constant headaches all because he couldn’t be bothered to deal with his own thoughts._ It was selfish.

But that was simply years ago now. 

The thought almost scared him now. Relying completely on other people was always going to end in heart break- no one is responsible wholly for you. And he’s responsible enough now to know to keep his distance.

Thomas eventually shooed them away with a playful laugh and Roman catapulted himself into the sofa, declaring a movie night was in order. It was so apparent. Patton’s shoulders were finally loose and he paid no attention while Roman and Logan organised everything. Patton was a dad in every sense and usually would get antsy if he couldn’t set up everything for his kiddos. But he just sat there. A dumb dopey smile plastered to his face. Roman seemed energised but also peaceful. His proud smile and wistful expression made that obvious. Logan was almost unrecognisable. He giggled at their jokes and was obviously still feeling that creative influence as he searched for the most obscure documentaries he had yet to watch. 

“You okay there, Nightmare on Emo Street?” 

“Yeah, sorry.” Virgil sat up. 

He wasn’t paying attention. It felt like he never was recently.

Patton finally turned off the tv, he went to declare that it was too late and they needed sleep, when he froze. It wasn’t unusual for some of the others to fall asleep during a movie night. If anything, he tried to encourage it by turning the volume down and summoning blankets. But Virgil was always careful to retreat the second he felt like he was tired. But here they were. Virgil was slumped against Logan with his foot pressed against Roman’s thigh. Now, Patton’s expectations screamed at him that Logan and Roman would now have black eyeshadow smeared under their eyes and they would be bolt up awake. Yet it was the exact opposite; Logan nuzzling into Virgil’s hair like a kitten and Roman stretching further and further to press into Virgil. All of them have clearly been asleep for awhile. They didn’t look like nightmares were bothering them so with an uncertain worried glance, he placed a blanket around them and left for bed. 

Virgil woke up first. It took a minute for him to remember just where he was. And that it absolutely, under no circumstances, was it okay to fall asleep against any side ever. Snapping off the couch, he sprinted up the stairs before Logan and Roman could even properly wake up. 

Okay, now this was a super bad panic attack, he thought hysterically. He made triple sure to lock his room and refused to answer any and all calls throughout the day. 

Mornings of careful touches and tight hugs in difficult moments continued as usual. Virgil still remained trying desperately to look away with thoughts of forcing his influence like he did flashing through his mind. So it took a few days before he really noticed the new change. 

Now first thing in the morning, Logan would come downstairs and sit at the table pensively. But he would lurch upwards the second Virgil ever got up to pour himself a coffee. Virgil shrugged it off thinking Logan just only realised he wanted coffee too at the same time but then that wouldn’t explain why he would try and crowd him. Logan would stand so close and sometimes tried to grab things that Virgil was clearly going to grab. Thankfully, Virgil had many years of practise of avoiding touching and made sure to back up. 

Roman would also now spend hours of the day trying to get him to high five him. It was such a simple casual thing that the first time Virgil almost did it instinctually. Every day was always met with some desperate need for a high five or even any form of contact. It was on the fourth day that Roman almost just fell to his knees and begged. 

“Why are we here?” Virgil sighed as he made a big deal of falling into the sofa and curling into a ball. 

“I called this house meeting because I’ve noticed a few things… and I want to give people the opportunity to explain themselves…” Patton spoke slowly while keeping direct eye contact with a blushing Logan and Roman. No one spoke. They didn’t even try to deny anything.

“Uh… yeah. No pressure or anything… But I’ve been wondering what you lot are doing?” Virgil huffed a polite laugh but if anything it made everything feel so much more awkward. 

“I mean… We- I we don’t want to put you in the spotlight Virge… but I… well we should just be honest!” Roman stuttered, “That would be the best way to go about clearing up this miscommunication! Woah, hey ‘miscommunication’. See I’m treating this so seriously… Uh So… I or really we b-but I-”

“Virgil, on the night of the 20th you fell asleep on top of me. Therefore I could feel your influence and…” Logan drifted off with a saddened look, his hands flailed but his words all failed. 

“It was so soothing.” Roman whispered, “It was like there was a curtain over me all this time and I didn’t even realise! I was suddenly aware of all my fears and worries but not in a bad way! In a… calm way. Your influence made me aware that I was worried that Thomas didn’t like the script or that I was too much in that brainstorm. But the second I was aware of it, I could come up with solutions! I managed to talk myself out of all my worries! Like being aware of them made them something to target rather than this… horrible confusing mess above my head!”

“I too experienced something similar. After these sessions, I tend to get all worked up and unable to stop thinking. A million different facts and equations going through my mind. All of them need my attention. But… for once I could just stop. I was aware that I was worrying and that I have nothing particular to be worrying about. It was something to ground myself on.”

“It’s really close to Patton’s actually! But… just specialising in anxious feelings rather than just feelings in general. Just…”

“Like an emotional understanding or even maturity for anxiety…” 

“Oh kiddo!” Patton cooed and it was then that Virgil felt the fat tear drops flowing down his face. Virgil shook his head like that would stop his own thoughts from racing. “Can I?” 

Virgil shivered and his chest gulped. He wasn’t strong enough. Patton was too patient. He was too emotional to know what he was getting into. He was the protector! Now he has to protect Patton from… this. But… He couldn’t. 

He shouldn’t.

Virgil moved up to Patton and fell into his arms with a wet whine. It was immediate. What felt like a whirlwind of half finished thoughts and screaming vague emotions now felt like a simple bullet point list. He almost laughed. Despite being literally named Morality, of course his influence was understanding emotions. His anxiety and sadness and anger and grief were all still scary but now his tears felt like a relief rather than a drain. His shoulders loosened and he found himself melting into Patton’s lap. 

Logan tentatively joined the hug. Carefully placing a hand on each of their shoulders before slowly leaning into them. They both gasped before leaning back. Virgil sobbed harder but out of sheer relief. The relief that it was over and that he was okay. The idea of things being okay because he’s now safe made him lose all control. Ugly gasping sobs seemed so soothing now he knew the reasons why crying made people typically feel better. The ways of working through his emotions seemed so simple now. He was home. The others never badly influenced each other, while it was logical of him to presume that his would as a dark side, it still made complete sense that he was helping. His list of emotions now felt like some were crossed off. Dealt with that. Next?

Roman slammed into them soon after. His hands scrabbling to grab each other around the mound of them. It was like a final puzzle piece. It gave a solution, or even multiple, to his list. He could just go to Patton to talk through his emotions next time he got bad. Logically, looking through previous experiences, it had helped before so it shall help again. He could always start one of those emotion journals; he could practically see the designs of the notebooks he could use. Statistics behind why that was a good coping mechanism somehow made their way to his thoughts. 

All together, it felt like he was complete. Optimism from Roman, together with emotional maturity and a more logical grounded thought process. Virgil felt like he could do anything. Everything felt so manageable for the first time since he was a child. He kept crying and he knew Patton was crying too. Patton was the dad of the group, he could already imagine the stress and worry that must eat away at him. Virgil could feel his own influence slowly taking each worry and making it conscious, Roman’s and Logan’s flowing later to sort through it. 

They sat there for an hour before the very last side fell asleep. Virgil felt sleep pulling at him but seeing them all curled in his lap ignited something. It was probably only due to Roman’s passion and Patton’s emotions but… a fierce wave of protectiveness erupted in his chest. His family shouldn’t have to deal with anxiety on their own. 

Mornings of careful touches and tight hugs in difficult moments felt more complete with their worry wort being the first to initiate them.


End file.
